Article brought to you by Baby Sleep Advisory,
  and Bedtime And Toilet Training Solutions.  

  There really is something about that old saying "easier said than done!"

  Dealing an irate toddler is not always as simple as experts (usually those without children) make it out to be.  So, before we get down to the nitty gritty, let me just say that the following information is intended as a helpful guide only .... some information for you to ponder, try out and mould into your own special techniques for dealing with your own special little person.

  If you have more than one child, you may have noticed that the "terrible Two's" can start at about one year old.

  Babies and toddle4rs are incredibly fast learners.  almost from the day they are born, they embark on the mission of life, testing which of their actions active a desired result, plus working out how to use their mind and bodies.

  We must remember, firstly, that these beautiful little humans operate initially entirely at an emotional level.

  You will also notice that when babies, toddlers and children are tired, they6 become more emotional and more energetic like that are fuelled by adrenalin.  This sometimes results in fantastically explosive tantrums. 

  When a newborn wants food, it is overcome buy a need and often expresses this by crying ... tears and all.  As they grow older these emotions are still very strong, even overpowering.  Wanting a toy or a drink that another baby is playing with comes all consuming.  If they don't get the toy, the negative feeling results in cry8ng, stomping or screaming ... whatever gets attention really!

  Now I want you to remember, this doesn't happen to all babies, and all children.  As we know each little person is very very different, but this article is written for those parents who have children, babies or toddlers who do act in this way.  We aren't saying that it is "bad" behaviour we are just calling this behaviour a tantrum.  Its the way your child is expressing themselves at that moment in time.

  And this is an important point.  Initially tantrums are an emotional expression with the purpose of getting attention of the parent or caregiver.  Then this gets a result.

  So how do we control and moderate this behaviour?  Changing the behaviour in babies and young children is all about motivation.  And motivation can take two forms.

  Positive motivation - that is encouragement, rewards and love.

  Negative or fear motivation - that is threats of punishment or confiscating possessions.

  Which method to use depends entirely on the child's age and the relationship with the carer and which one you are more comfortable with.

  Here are several methods starting with a soft approach which we recommend, then followed by firmer alternatives.

  1.  The Firm Hug Method

  When a child is in the midst of a tantrum, give them a firm loving hug.  This requires the parent or carer to be in full emotional control.  It could be argued that holding a wriggling screaming child may or may not be practical, but this method works very well in some cases.  And is not so embarrassing if you are in a public place, such as a supermarket.

  2.  The Ignore Or Divert Method

  This does sound like a contradiction but please read on.  A tantrum is designed to get your attention.  If you just keep on going and totally ignore that the tantrum is happening, it sends the clear message to the toddler that his actions are having NO EFFECT AT ALL.  That may work by itself, but the method is made a lot more powerful by diverting the child's attention to something totally unrelated.

  For example:  in a shop, a toddler may tantrum to get a toy or snack etc, so you just ignore the fireworks and perhaps drop a coin and suggest a search, or urgently suggest to find a particular shopping item. 

  3.  The Star Chart Method

  This is our favourite.  Create a chart with about twenty or thirty stars or dots on it.  Cover the chart with clear laminate.  Then use a whiteboard marker to colour stars for good behaviour.  With your toddler's input decide on some reasonable rewards.  They don't have to cost money ... A Trip to their favourite park, playing with friends, a small $ reward (which can also be used to introduce concepts of saving money and investing in a bank account i.e.: spend half and save half).  If you spend a bit of time building up the reward in your toddlers mind, you be amazed how powerful this system can be.  (Also could use a blackboard and chalk for your chart if this is easier for you.)

  4.  The Quiet Corner Method:

  Decide on a location in your home and name it the quiet corner.  You may want to place a chair in the location and call it the thinking chair (for older toddlers).  I really don't like to name items the naughty corner or the naughty chair or any other negative description.  Here we want to focus on the positive.  When your baby or toddler has misbehaved they are either placed or sent to this location for a few minutes, allowing the situation to calm down and diffuse.  If the child refuses to stay, always send them back.  If they are extremely persistent, you might have to consider another method.  But this system can work, and its very boring for a child to be facing a wall.

  And it doesn't hurt if your child is old enough to ask for either an apology or ask how they could behave differently next time.

  5.  Smacking:

  From our point of view this is not an option.  If you have found yourself smacking your child please review our options for alternatives.  The long term damage to a child caused by smacking is enormous.  If you feel you need help from a professional to either curb your own behaviour or that of your child please, please seek help.  If need be please call us so that we can  point you in the right direction or offer you our support and ideas and positive encouragement.

  Whatever your chosen method, please keep in mind that children have very short attention spans and that these remedies are best carried out immediately ... not an hour later when it suits you better.  Most children are unable to process and understand if they are being "punished" well after the "crime", because they forget what they did, and then cannot connect their actions with the punishment, leaving them confused, upset and sometimes emotionally scarred.

  About fighting and biting:  If you are finding your child is biting or fighting another child or sibling an effective method to deal with this behaviour is to ignore the perpetrator and lavish attention and love on the victim.

  About breath holders:  Please see a medical professional about this to ensure that you can handle the medical risks associated with this type of tantrum.  Early intervention with a well timed splash of cold water in the face while the child is still conscious may do the trick.  If the child persists, make sure that they are safe from injury if they pass into unconsciousness, keep a close eye on them until they regain consciousness, and then totally ignore them so that they get the idea that that method was useless.  Having said that, this is one of the most challenging tantrums to deal with emotionally.  And I am truly sympathetic to those parents who have a breath holder.

  I know that all this sounds very scary if you are a new parent.  But be rest assured that compared with the joy and laughter and love that your baby is bringing, these events will pale into insignificance.

  And please, remember, that whichever of these methods works for you whenever you carry out a toddler taming solution always keep your heart open.  You cannot love your child too much.  Always reward and praise your child whenever they do the "right thing", and always tell them how much you love them, over and over again.

  Best wishes and happy parenting.

      With many thanks, and if I can help you in any way
    please let me know.

  Margaret Saunders
 

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